Healing Happens...When?!

When I started my weight loss journey, I had so much emotional unpacking I had to do! That unpacking allowed me to be vulnerable and open to healing. My emotional baggage lead me down a road of insecurity, seeking validation, and love in the wrong places. I used to enter relationships with guys that had display similar traits as my father. Which I thought was okay because I thought that was love because that’s the way my dad showed love. For the most part of my emotional baggage was from my unsolved father wound that kept making excuses for his behavior as a toxic parent.

What is a toxic parent?

Parents who carry a promise of love and care, while at the same time mistreat their child, are called toxic parents. Almost all toxic parents say they love their children, and they usually also mean it. But love involves much more than just expressed feelings. A toxic parent can be a mom or dad that displays wrongful actions and affection.

How do you know if you’re healing appropriately?

I knew I was healing when I didn’t want to argue my point in pointless conservation. I started reacting less to certain triggers that my father would try to use towards me. Most of my responses would be oh okay! or oh cool to change or deflect Sarcastic expressions related to my feelings. Honestly, healing will change your view of yourself and your mindset. The vulnerability and openness will allow you to see your own flaws within. Healing is like taking baby steps and or a day by day process that takes time. Your healing process is yours and you have to be selfish about it. Embrace the ugly traits and turn them around to work for you. For example, I know that I’m a nurturing person and problem solver naturally in my relationships and friendships. In my healing process, I had to realize that I should nurture my self, spirit, and mind first.

Why is Healing important?

Healing is important because it’s a way to express freedom and to reclaim our power. It gives us the opportunity to fit the pieces back together in such a way so that we are stronger than ever before. (Jennifer Rockefeller)

What speeds up my healing process?

I have to identify the root cause of the issue. For me, it was my father wound that was the root cause. I had to sit down and explain to my dad I was hurt because of the lack of love that he’s shown me and the emotional pain I’ve endured. My healing process really started with me realizing that I can’t change him or beg him to change. But to meet him half was a way to strengthen our daddy and daughter relationship.

Lastly, I told him that I always wanted you to say to see me and see how great I am! I started to snot and cry because I felt myself letting go of all the pent up anger that I held against my dad. In the midst of me crying and snotty my dad hugged me tightly. He told me that he was sorry for everything and not being there for my sisters and I. At the end of our conversation, I let him know that this meeting is my responsibility, not my future husband's job to help my healing.

Sometimes, in a relationship, we put unrealistic expectations on our spouses for childhood trauma. If we can take responsibility for our hurt and inner healing we will feel much better.

Basically our conversation opened my father’s eyes on to treat me and how I should treat myself in the process. If you create healthy boundaries and love for your self first everything that you’re asking for will work out.

When did healing actually happen for me?

A few weeks ago, I found myself having a deja vu moment! Meaning, that I was present at the moment but my mind/body kinda knew what’s going to happen. Weird right..! Just imagine all the things that you’ve prayed for has slowly starting to manifest right in front of you!

As a young girl, I used to wish for the day that my dad would come through on his promises and finally see me as beautiful regardless of my size. Well, today was the day that I can tell I’ve outgrown my daddy issue and let go of the worries that I used to constantly think about. It’s crazy because I didn’t know at that moment that healing was taking place or has already taken place. Honestly, it feels great and it gives you a moment of clarity that you’ve always wanted!

Lastly, getting the encouragement and reassurance from my father meant the world to me.

The benefits of healing:

*You tend to sleep better

*You’re at peace with yourself

*You’re more self-aware

*Uses effective communication

*Understands healthy boundaries

Healing happens when you no longer:

*Not Seeking approval from anyone

*Doesn’t constant praise

*Not validation from people